


Broken Beyond Repair

by JDMslut_red



Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: Depression, F/M, Fanfiction, Negan and the sanctuary, Negan x Reader - Freeform, Negan x oc - Freeform, Negan’s Wives, Panic Attack, Rape, Smut, jdmslut-red, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 16:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20969744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDMslut_red/pseuds/JDMslut_red
Summary: So I wrote this for tumblr. I got the idea from a few private messages and anon asks, as well as my own experience.———You had to step outside and escape the chaos festivity. Finally getting a moment to yourself, you, you lit a cigarette to calm your nerves. But Negan had other plans...





	1. Part One:

**Author's Note:**

> (WARNING ⚠️ Mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, suicide and rape. Do not read if you’re easily triggered!)

Everyone was enjoying themselves, celebrating Negan’s new wife addition. The sanctuary was a festivity zone. And as much as you hated it, you were glad for the alcohol. 

Three hours in and you were already feeling the buzz. You smiled politely as you walked past your fellow saviors. You needed to get away however; the booming laughter and loud voices were making your head ache. You stepped outside the compound and lit a cigarette, taking a long hit before blowing out the smoke. You sighed, thankful to finally get a minute alone. 

It’s been over a year since you joined the sanctuary. And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy being a savior. Negan was brutal, and all though you didn’t agree with his every rule you knew he was just trying to keep his own people alive. It made sense. Out of all the communities and groups you came across in the apocalypse, you had to admit, the sanctuary was the most functional. 

You weren’t sure how or when it happened, but you had fallen for the ruthless leader. All though you came to terms with your own feelings for him, you hated it. After all, feelings such as the ones you harbored for Negan was a weakness in a world such as this.You lit another cigarette as you felt your anxiety start to kick in. You couldn’t be jealous or pissed tonight. Show no emotion right? 

You sighed yet again, the alcohol and the smoke in your lungs having it’s effect, making you feel slightly dizzy. Negan had offered you to become a wife but you politely declined. Telling him that he would benefit more from you being a savior. And it was true, you were a skillful survivor. You took life when you had to, even saving Negan and his men a few times. Killing people didn’t even bother you anymore, you had become accustomed to it. And the very thought scared you sometimes.

You had become numb to the world around you and that was a very bothersome idea, making you relieve the days before the apocalypse. You always led a troubled life before the world ended. So much so that you used to make fun at your own expense, saying that if you had to write an autobiography, everyone would believe it was fiction. People always made you feel uneasy, even before the turn.

You knew you were strongly physically and internally. That’s why you hated when your emotions betrayed you, making you feel weak and powerless. Moments like now, where you were holding on to the very last thread of your sanity. And what bothered you even more was that you were feeling this way because of Negan getting married for the sixth time. It wasn’t because of your past coming back to haunt you, flashes of your past traumas, that you could cope with at least. 

You shook your head violently, trying to fight the bitter tears when you heard footsteps approaching from behind.  _ Fuck _ _!_ You inwardly cursed. No one could see you like this! 

“Y/N? What in the fuckety fuck are you doing out here in the cold all by yourself? Didn’t I tell you those things are fucking bad for you!?” Negan spoke, almost growling. 

_ Shit! Don’t fucking panic! Don’t cry you stupid bitch!  _ You told yourself. 

“I’m gonna die anyway.” You chuckled.

Negan frowned. “Stop saying shit like that. No one’s fucking dying.” 

“If you believe that you’re an idiot.” You said blowing out the last of your smoke before putting your cigarette out. You were about to turn back when Negan grabbed your arm to stop you from leaving. He squeezed your arm hard enough to keep you from walking away and send you a message that he meant business, but not hard enough to hurt or bruise you. 

“Negan...” you sighed, looking at his hand. Before you could open your mouth to voice your displeasure, Negan interrupted you. 

“We’re not done here!” He snapped. 

You stare daggers at him while forcefully removing your arm from his grip. 

“What’s wrong doll?” He said softer this time. 

“Nothing.” You grid your teeth. You could feel a panic attack coming on, you starting counting to 10 in your head. “Can I... I’d like to go to my room now.” You meant to snap back at him but your voice quivered. 

“Something is bothering you and don’t fucking say it’s nothing because we both know that’s not the case! Talk to me doll.” Negan pushed. 

“I...” _ Fuck... hold on. Keep together. 1, 2, 3... keep fucking breathing.  _

You could feel you heart hammering in your ears, your hands began to shake and you could feel the tightness in your chest and throat. 

“I don’t need your help...” You would love to say that your voice was sturdy but that wasn’t the case. You were breaking, and right in front of Negan. 

“Fuck sweetheart...” Negan whispered more to himself than to you. He looked around and made sure no one was watching the scene about to unfold. “Come’ere.” He murmured before taking you into his arms. 

_ No no no no no no.  _ Your mind was screaming at you as you were forced into an embrace. Your heart aching and weeping with joy at the same time. Your breath became more labored and you squeezed your eyes shut, begging your mind to take you some place else. 

“Breathe with me. You’re ok. You’re safe.” Negan spoke in a soothing voice to you. “I made a promise, no would ever lay a hand on you again.” 

You sobbed into his chest, the night you first met flashing before your eyes. Flashes of faded memory played out like a movie in your brain. You remembered fighting the men holding you down, ripping your clothes off... you remembered Negan killing them with Lucille and taking you back to the sanctuary. However, this wasn’t the reason you were upset, indeed thinking about that fateful day had its negative effect on your body, but it wasn’t as bad as Negan made you feel and you absolutely hated it. 

Negan squeezes you harder into his chest as you openly cried. The smell of leather, Negan’s cologne and a hint of salty musk enveloped your nose, oddly making you feel safer at that moment. 

Endless minutes passed with you in Negan’s arms, your cries being muffled into his jacket. He held you quietly until your panic subsided. He rubbed soothing circles in the middle of your back until he heard your breathing become regular once more. 

“Please talk to me sweetheart.” He said once you finally separated. “I hate seeing you like this.” Negan spoke while lifting your chin with his gloved hand. Your eyes locked with his and in the moment, the earth stood still on its axis point. 

“You...” your voice was still shaky. You took a deep breath before fully composing yourself. “You’re what’s wrong with me.” You finally stated. 

Negan knotted his brows together, his jaw clenching tight in anger but he kept quiet for once, allowing you to explain yourself. 

“I hate that I even feel this way.” You continued. “You’re the biggest fucking asshole I know.” Your smirked, making Negan’s mouth twitch and contort almost into a smirk as well. 

You took a step back and away from his reach. “Go back to your wives.” You spat before turning around to leave once more. Negan however, had other plans. 

He forcefully grabbed your shoulders and backed you up into the nearest wall. His mouth quickly twisting to his famous wolffish grin. Negan leaned close, too fucking close for your comfort. “Are you fucking jealous doll?” His voice was a low rumble. 

He didn’t scare you. But you couldn’t lie and say that you felt uncomfortable with his closeness. Your panic attack was quickly making a 360 turn and coming back to you with full force. You couldn’t let him win however, not this time. 

“You fucking wish!” You growled. “I told you I just want to be left alone but you don’t listen! I’m not fund of this game anymore Negan. I’m fucking tired of playing this stupid cat and mouse game with you.” The more you spoke the more your heart beat faster. You felt the familiar pain in your chest return for its second time that night. 

Negan smirked, licking his lips. “That’s the girl I fucking remembered! Not the quivering you mess you were just a min tire ago!” 

How fucking dare he!? You hated him for saying that, you hated him for witnessing you break once again. You hated that you needed him, ached for him. You hated his stupid gorgeous smile. 

“Fuck you!” You growled once more, shoving him away from you. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again Negan!” 

For the third time that night you tried to leave but he wouldn’t let you, grabbing your arm once more and keeping you in place. You raise your hand to smack him but Negan caught your wrist, squeezing painfully while he pulled you to him again. 

“Tsk tsk.” He shook his head. “I’m gonna forget you just fucking did that! Being an emotional night for you and all...” Negan said before leaning even closer to you, his breath dancing in your you cheeks, his lips mere inches from yours. “I cannot allow anyone to treat me like that.” He groaned. “Not even you doll. So pull that fucking stick out of your ass and apologize.” 

“Or what?” It was your turn to bare your teeth at him. 

“Doll you are testing my fucking patience!” He snarled. “I would be very fucking careful with your next words.” 

“Or what you’ll hurt me? Burn me? Kill me?” You chuckled. “Do your worst asshole.” 

He grabbed you by the neck forcefully and pushed back against the wall. For a brief moment you panicked, your eyes showing the shock expression before you fought against his grip but to no avail. 

“You like pissing me off don’t you little girl!?” 

You’ve never seen Negan this pissed up close and personal, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t scared shitless at this moment. You knew exactly what he was capable of. Even though Negan hated to hurt women, you knew you had crossed the line and he would give you a fitting punishment if needed. 

You felt your breath labor once more, his hand all your throat didn’t help either. You struggled against his strong grasp, twisting and turning against his grip but to no avail; after all, you were tiny compared to him. Still, you manage to kick at his legs, trying to bring your knee to his crotch but you missed terribly. 

He laughed. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.” He said before pinning you tighter against the wall. 

You couldn’t help but whimper against his strong hold on you. You knew for a fact you’d probably wake up with bruises tomorrow. Yet you glared at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of surrendering. 

“Damn...” he spoke lowly against your lips. “I’m not gonna lie, you got me all kinds of fucking hard doll.” 

You cringed as he thrusted against your center, feeling his impressive bulge against you. Your body had a mind of its own however, the moment you felt his erection brush against you, you felt the vaults of electricity cruising through your veins. This was just a power play and you couldn’t let him win. 

“Like I said...” You groaned with difficulty. “Do your worst...” you fought hard not to cough the last words out, Negan’s hand increasing its pressure in your throat. 

“I think you want to be fucking punished. Is that it doll?” He leaned closer to whisper in your ear. “Do you want me to punish you?”

His low rumble voice sent shivers through your body. You did your best to try and turn your head away from him but his gloved hand kept you in place. This was it, you waited for what you were sure was a blow to come but instead he kept trapped against the wall and his body. What you weren’t expecting however, was his soft lips against yours, claiming you as his. 


	2. Part Two:

You froze as you felt Negan’s lips against yours, his tongue quickly invading your mouth. You were proud to say that for the first few seconds, you fought against his assault before your own desire took over. You hummed as his tongue mashed with yours, finally tasting his sweetness. Slowly, you began to kiss back, fighting for dominance. Negan growled against your lips, tempted to let you have control. But he didn’t. 

“What the fuck am I gonna do with you doll?” He said breathlessly. 

Before you could respond however, his mouth was on yours again. You finally surrounded to him, allowing him to take complete control. Your body went limb against his. You were thankful for the wall support and his own body pinning you, otherwise you were sure you would fall. 

“Please...” You whimpered, all fight and dignity had completely left you now. “Please just let me go... or kill me I don’t care.” You said, not bothering to fight the tears. 

Negan frowned. “You wanna die?” He asked you. 

“P-please...” Was all you could muster. 

Negan immediately let go of you, as if he was burned. But he stood in front of you still, not allowing you to retreat. His body still close to yours but no longer touching. You were thankful and disappointed by the the loss of contact but the close proximity still made you feel uneasy. 

“Jesus fucking Christ doll! You are a fucking mess! Is that why...” His voice began raising. He punched the wall next to you making you flinch. “You’re not fucking dying you hear me Y/N!? Not on my fucking watch. I don’t care if you begged me to...” You flinched once more at the mention of your name. Negan never made a common use for it, always calling you doll or other pet names he gave you. 

You squeezed your eyes shut once more as the tears started falling freely. You just wanted to disappear. Nothing else mattered anymore. 

Negan used him none gloved hand to caress your cheek, wiping your tears away. “Please talk to me.” He spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. 

At this you quickly opened your eyes, his gentleness confusing you yet again. You frowned. Why was he being so nice now? Wasn’t it just a minute ago he grabbed you by your throat and was determined to have you surrender to him? 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He spoke again. His hand grazing against the angry red mark he left on your throat. “Fuck... you just, you fucking drive me insane Y/N.” 

There it was again, your name. “Please... I’d rather have you hurt me. I can’t take this side of you. It hurts...” you cried. 

Negan was taken back. “Why?” He uttered the single word. 

“Don’t you get it...” You locked eyes again. “Don’t make it fucking say it out loud.” 

He caught a tear in his thumb. “Why won’t you marry me? I’m tired of trying to get you to be a wife doll.” 

“I can’t.” You shook your head. “I won’t share you.” 

At this Negan smirked. “Jealous are we?” 

You glared at him. 

“For fuck sakes take a joke doll face!” He groaned before dropping his hand from you face and stepping back, giving you some much needed space again. You exhaled a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“You know I can’t get rid of the others. That’s not how it fucking works doll. How do you think it would look if I suddenly got rid of all of them? They would smell weakness. I don’t fucking do that shit.”

“I never asked you to.” You replied. 

It was Negan’s turn to exhale a big breath. He rubbed his palm on his face, thinking carefully about his next words. 

“It’s never been about that.” He said hesitantly at first. “I haven’t even fucked one of them for months now.” Negan confessed. 

“Why?” You knitted your brows together. 

“Don’t YOU make me fucking say it out loud now.” He growled. 

“Negan...” you sighed, brushing your hair back in frustration. 

“You can still be a wife doll. Behind close doors it’s just me and you. But I can’t get rid of the others. But you wouldn’t be sharing me.” He spoke softly. 

You contemplated the idea. 

“Besides, those ladies wouldn’t last a single fucking day working for points, you know that!” 

“So this is just about you giving them a free for all out of the goodness of your heart!?” You prodded.

“No one has ever caused me of being good before.” Negan smirked back at you before shifting to a serious expression once more. “Be mine doll. I wanna take care of you. I’ve wanted you since the day we first met. All I’ve ever wanted is to keep you tucked in my fucking arms and kill anyone who would even dare fucking look at ya.”

You bit your bottom lip to stop it from quivering as you tried to hold in your new batch of tears. 

“You mean more to me than I care to admit and the thought of it, fucking scares the shit out of me Y/N.” 

“Even if it was different. Even if it... was just us.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m too broken Negan. I’m fucked up beyond recognition.” You told him. 

“You’re not broken sweetheart. Everyone has scars, you just have more of them. I’m not trying to fix you. I just want to take care of you.”

If anyone told you Negan would speak those words to you, that he could be so gentle you would have laughed in their face. Sure you’d seen his nice side, but he was never so... tender. 

“Ok...” you agreed after a long pause, you weren’t sure it it was a good idea but you were tired and defeated. “But... do I have to be a wife? Do we have to announce it?” You asked. 

Negan sighed. “How about this...” he started. “Let’s just... let’s just fucking take as it goes right now. Everyone already knows you’re kind of an unofficial wife anyways.” Negan chuckled. “But we don’t have to announce shit yet. I just want you fucking close to me where I can keep my eye on you.”

You should’ve been offended by that but truthfully, you weren’t. You slowly nodded, not trusting yourself to speak again. 

“Atta a girl!” He smiled before kissing you again. This time however, his kiss was much softer, much slower. He wasn’t trying to dominate you again, instead he simply kissed you passionately. As if expressing his affection in action because you knew he could never tell you in words. 

You sighed into the kiss and met his tongue with yours, both of you slowly deepening the kiss. You slowly encircled your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you as you stood on your tippy-toes. Negan hummed in your mouth, pressing you against the wall as the kiss became more heated. 

You both quickly became lost in each other, the friction of your bodies brushing against one another speeding up the rapture. You moaned as he pressed his erection against your center. Your knees quivered as you felt yourself beginning to lubricate. You thrusted back against his body, pressing your sexes together.

“Hmmm so fucking eager now aren’t we?” Negan groaned. “Let’s take this to my room doll.” 

“What about...” you mined as he nipped at your throat, making you lost for words. 

“You’re mine. Nothing else matters.” He growled. 

“Yes.” You were surprised with yourself at how easy you surrendered to him. 

Negan placed his gloved hand on throat again, licking a path from your neck to your cheek. “Tell me you’re mine. Fucking say it doll.” He spoke breathless in your ear. 

“I’m... fuck I’m yours Negan.”

“Yes you fucking are. All mine darling!” He laughed lowly before dragging you to his room. 


	3. Part Three:

You shivered at Negan’s feather like caresses, sending thrilling sensations through out your body. There, laying on his bed completely naked, you ached for him more than ever before. His fingertips sending goosebumps all over your skin. He had yet to touch your intimate parts and yet you were already a quivering mess beneath him. 

“Negan please... let me touch you.” You went for his shirt but he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head. 

“In due time doll. But first, I wanna take my fucking time with you.” He said before leaving ghost kisses and gentles nibbles from your neck to you chest. 

Negan kissed and bit at your breasts, slowly driving you to the brink of insanity. You whimpered and squirmed beneath him, making him even more aroused. Negan ceased the torture by taking a nipple into his mouth. You gasped as his tongue lavished your hardened nub. He sucked, licked, and gently bit at the tender flesh, making your legs begin to shake. 

“You got sensitive nipples doll?” He asked before letting go of your wrists and pinching both of your nipples. You jolted at the contact, feeling both pain and pleasure. 

“Fuck... please...” you managed to gasp. 

“Yes you fucking do.” He said before tweaking your nipples some more. 

“Oh god...”

“You wet for me yet baby?” He asked while planting soft kiss and licks around your nipples. 

“Y-yessss...” You shivered. 

Negan lowered his hand down to your wanton flesh, stroking your soft bundle of nerves. You threw your head back in awe and closed your eyes, holding your breath. 

“You’re fucking soaked.” He grunted. 

Negan began lightly applying more pressure with his index and middle fingers, stroking your clit up and down at first before switching to circular motions. You moaned and quivered beneath him, thrusting your pussy up to his hand for more friction. 

“You like that babygirl? You like the way I play with your pretty little pussy?” Negan spoke before taking your other nipple into his mouth.

With his free hand, he tweaked your left nipple, making you moan loudly. Your whole body was shaking at this point, it was like Negan knew exactly which strings to pull. The pleasure was too much however; with his mouth around onebreast, his right hand on the other; harshly pulling and tweaking your nipple, while his left hand stroked your sensitive bundle of nerves. You were in cloud fucking nine, any minute now and you could come undone. 

“Oh god...” You whispered. Your legs were shaking, your body convulsing at the pleasure you were receiving. Sex wasn’t exactly a new department to you but this... you never felt so good like this before.

“Fuuuuuuuckkkk...” You gasped loudly as Negan pushed two fingers inside of you. He used his thumb to press down of your clitoris while his middle and ring fingers pumped in out of you rapidly. 

You squeezed you eyes shut, your body convulsed furiously while you grabbed the silk sheets beneath you. Your scream got caught in your throat as your toes curled. It was like every inch of you, inside and out was on fire. You’ve never had such a violent climax in your life before, not even by yourself. It took several moments for you to come down from your delicious high. Your legs were shaking so violently you didn’t know if they would ever stop shaking. 

“Holy shit babygirl! Fuuuuck!!! Look at that pussy! Still fucking gushing for daddy!” Negan spoke while pushing his fingers inside of you one last time before retrieving them. He brought his fingers up to his mouth to taste your juices. “Hmm... sweet fucking girl. God I want that pussy!” He said before diving down between your legs. 

You were barely able to recover from your last orgasm before Negan brought you to the brink of yet another climax. He lapped expertly at your sensitive bundle of nerves with his tongue. You meowed and whimpered as he switched techniques; going from licking you up and down, side to side, circular and then finally, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking your most sensitive spot. You screamed as your body writhed once more, squeezing his head between your thighs as you came hard and long. 

“Sweet fucking girl!” Negan said once more while he finish lapping at your pussy. He gave you one more chased kiss before working his way up on your body again. Once he found your mouth, he kissed you hungrily, grabbing your throat and keeping your head in place. 

You were surprised at your taste on his mouth. He was right you were pretty nectary. This should have made you feel weird, disgusted even but it didn’t. Not with Negan. You hummed while kissing him back. For once in your life, you didn’t give two shits about tomorrow. 

Negan discarded the remainder of his clothes. You bit lip as you absorbed him. God he really was flawless from head to toe. You licked your lips as you saw his chest, your eyes darkening at the sight of dark curls all over his chest. You always had a thing for hairy men, it was such a masculine trait. You gulped as you saw his full girth spring into action once Negan removed his boxers. Holly fuck he was big. 

“Like what you see?” He smirked at you while licking his lips. 

You blushed and turned your head away.

“No baby.” Negan crawled back, kneeling over you. He brought his hand to your chin and forced you to look at him. “Look at me. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

You slowly nodded, not trusting your voice. Your gaze averted down to his impressive cock. You gulped and licked your lips involuntarily as you admired his length. 

Negan licked his lips. “Damn... your fucking face right now doll...” he growled before bending over and forcibly grabbing your chin, bringing your face up to meet his. He fiercely kissed you. There was nothing gentle about his caress, not anymore. You were both way beyond that now. 

Negan let go of you before kneeling in front of your face. He straighten up on his knees and slowly stroked his member, bringing it closer to your face. You salivated at the sight, waiting for him to allow you to suck him off. 

“Stick your tongue out.” Negan ordained. 

You complied, doing just that and waiting for his next command. He rubbed the tip of his manhood up and down on the flat of your tongue. Before suddenly stopping and letting go of his dick. 

“Suck. But just the head for now babygirl.” He instructed you. 

Once again you obliged, wrapping your lips only around his engorged head. You sucked hard on the tip of his member, using your tongue to swirl around it. Negan threw his head back and moaned loudly, making you smirk. You took the opportunity of his brief weakness and began bobbing your head back and forth on his length, slowly at first. 

“Shit! Jesus fuck... babygirl... what did I say? Ohhhh....” he growled. “So fucking inpatient.” He said before thrusting forward. 

Negan fucked your mouth thoroughly, enjoying every ministrations you gave him. Whenever he pulled almost out of your mouth, you clunked your tongue down with force on the head of his cock. You smirked as Negan’s legs shook every time you did it. You were enjoying being the one to give him pleasure. However, it didn’t last long. Much to your displeasure, he pulled out of your dark cavern with a groan. 

“Gotta slow down baby, that’s not where I wanna cum.” He said, smirking at your visible disappointment. 

Before you could protest however, Negan made fast work to pin you down on the bed with his body again. You shivered as you felt the tip of his manhood brushing against your entrance. 

“You sure you want this babygirl?” He asked you. 

You quickly nodded. Negan kissed you once more, slow and passionately before slowing pushing his member inside of you. You winced at his size, your body not being used to being stretched again. 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked before gently caressing your cheek and immediately stopping his actions. 

You wanted to cry at the gentleness of his voice and the way he was looking at you right now. You shook your head no but Negan still didn’t move. He stayed still inside of you, waiting for you to adjust to his size. 

“Please Negan...” You barely whispered before wiggling your hops beneath him, signaling him that it was ok to start moving. 

Negan smirked at your neediness. He started moving his hips again, slowly pulling out before pushing in again, a little further each time. You moaned as you felt your anatomy being stretched out. This encouraged Negan to finally thrust all the way inside of you. You quivered with pleasure as your felt his full length. 

“So fucking tight.” He groaned, dropping his head to the crook of your neck as he started thrusting at a slow but even pace now. 

You wrapped your legs around his middle, wanting to feel as much of him as possible. Negan began picking up his speed as he fucked you balls deep. You encouraged his actions by lifting your hips up meet his. He growled lowly next to your hear, sending goosebumps down your neck. 


End file.
